I thought I didn’t like sex, but really, I just didn’t like feeling like shit afterwards. This essay discusses coercive and violating forms of sex in detail. I tried to enjoy sex with men—cis and otherwise—for several years before I began seriously questioning my sexuality and gender. I hated a lot of things about sex...
Category: Rape Culture
Post
6 Essential Resources for Victims of Sexual Assault
This Sexual Assault Awareness month, share these resources who a friend who may benefit from them. [CW/TW: mention of sexual assault] In the past year, more people have felt empowered to speak openly about sexual assault. As most survivors know, sexual violence is an all too common of an issue and rape culture permeates our everyday...
Post
Post-Rape Resources Don’t Help Trans Women, But They Could
Listen to trans women who come forward and give us the resources we need to heal. [TW: description and mention of r/pe, PTSD and transmisogyny.] The weekend of August 24th, 2018 marks 5 years since I was raped in my dorm room at Temple University in Philadelphia. My life was completely turned upside down by...
Post
I Asked My Friends To Document Being Harassed, Here’s What They Told Me
The news is dominated by sexual assault, but what about the harassment that fuels rape culture? By Ally Sabatina With the news cycle being what it is—and that being one with a presidential superpredator at its epicenter—it seems every day brings a new not-so-subtle reminder of the United States’ prioritization of cis men. The very...
Post
How Myths and False Assumptions are Still Making Sexual Assault Hard to Report
The assumption that most sexual assault victims lie has been proven false and this fact has been known for quite some time. Yet, the toxic notion still prevails. Since late last year we have heard women and men come forward with their experiences with harassment and sexual assault as part of #MeToo, a movement started...
Post
When We Talk About Grace and Aziz Ansari, We Need to Discuss Emotional Labor Too
Women and femmes learn how to please others, and cisgender men learn to be pleased or to discard us until they are. A Babe dot net article (a site I’d never heard of until a few days ago) broke a story about Aziz Ansari allegedly assaulting a young woman named Grace* and a media frenzy...
Post
Aziz Ansari is Not Emmett Till, Nor the Straw Man of Asian American Masculinity
Let’s interrogate the politic of comparing Aziz Ansari to Emmett Till. A storm of articles has appeared over the last 48 hours regarding the account published by Babe magazine on the disturbing encounter between Aziz Ansari and a young woman who, in the account, is simply called “Grace.” A large majority of these articles, particularly...
Post
What Aziz Ansari Did Was Coercion, Not Consent
Coercion is not consent. It is sexual abuse. It is sexual assault. It is rape. And “no” is a complete motherfucking sentence. [TW/CW: Descriptions of sexual assault, violence and rape culture.] With each 24-hour breaking news cycle I wait for the inevitable fall of another admired hero. I’ve almost gotten used to the gut-punch that...
Post
Remembering Misty Upham in the Era of #TimesUp and #MeToo
We must hold celebrity friends and colleagues of Misty Upham accountable for not speaking out; she is exactly who #TimesUp should be fighting for. by Abaki Beck [TW/CW: Mentions of sexual violence and rape] This year’s Golden Globes were decidedly different than years past. Attendees wore black in solidarity with the #TimesUp campaign. Eight actresses brought...
Post
When “No” Isn’t Enough And Sexual Boundaries Are Ignored
Violence is so normalized that we often don’t even recognize sexual abuses in the moment. [TW/CW: discussion of sexual violence.] I recently realized that sex is unhealthy for me. Not sex in theory. No, of course not. Sex is healthy for our bodies and even our hearts and minds.When I say that sex is unhealthy...