European monarchies built and waged their power upon our deaths and our blood. Within this context, how could we possibly expect them to value Blackness? By Nneka M. Okona Some months ago, I was comfy and settled on my couch awaiting that week’s episode of “Real Housewives of Atlanta”. I had a glass of wine...
Tag: Relationships
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Black Women Aren’t Boycotting “Black Panther” Because of Michael B. Jordan’s Alleged Girlfriend
Stop believing what other people have to say about Black women, and start believing what Black women have to say about ourselves. This week, rumors about actor and heartthrob Michael B. Jordan’s alleged new girlfriend — Latina Instagram model, Ashlyn Castro — began to take root. Almost immediately after, news of a boycott against “Black...
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Fat, Black Femmes: Do Our Black Masculine Queens Love Us?
As fat, Black femmes: how can we navigate and decolonize the politics of desirability? By Tina Colleen Black queer women and femmes and female identify people (FIP), we are celebrating our natural melanin and manes more today than ever before. We demand equality, but have we truly broken free from European influences when we choose...
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Romance is Not Universal, Nor is it Necessary.
As sexist and misogynistic as it is heteronormative, this inordinate value placed on romance and marriage is consistently used to devalue single and unmarried women, painting us as inherently unworthy and pathetic, too difficult and too picky. Romance is not universal, or necessary. However, due to the way that romance has been heralded as a...
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When My Girlfriend Does My Hair, I Learn What Love Feels Like
I feel like I am finally experiencing the love that has always been my due, not just as a black woman but as a creature on Earth. By Kim Wong-Shing Knuckles in your roots, fingertips massaging your scalp, wrists pulling your braids into order—just the thought of it makes my breath slow down a little....
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Our Ideas of Romance Are Abusive
We are not allowed to hold someone emotionally hostage until they give us what we want, forcing them to swallow their own feelings, desires, and needs in order to satisfy our own. That’s not romance. That’s abuse. This year, Vulture declared that the grand romantic gesture will never die. It’s become such a popular trope...
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I Am Shamelessly Single And Not Sorry
Whether you want a romantic relationship, partnership, marriage or none of the above–let your single flag fly unapologetically. Think about your earliest ideas of being single–was your association negative? Did it carry undertones of loneliness, sadness or undesirability? By your definition, did singleness somehow equate emptiness or incompletion? If that was your understanding, you weren’t alone. When...
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4 Ways to Support Your Trans Woman Partner and Fight Transphobia
When your partner is a trans woman, you learn just how much transphobia she faces. To be a good partner, find ways to educate yourself and speak up for her. I’m gonna be upfront: it feels awkward to write about being a good partner to trans women as a cis woman, even if I’m writing...
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Crazy Talk: Can Mentally Ill People Be In (Healthy) Relationships Together?
It’s an ableist assumption that people with mental health struggles can’t be together — it suggests that only neurotypical people are “good” at relationships. Welcome to Crazy Talk: a mental health advice column written by yours truly, a mentally ill and queer writer reclaiming his “crazy” to educate and empower. In a world that tries to...
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Dear Virgie: Why Don’t More Fat Activists Talk About Being Fat, Single and Happy? (Part 1)
Fat activists balk at the opportunity to explore being fat and single for myriad reasons, including a desire to empower fat people by imagining them having happy sexual, romantic lives. Dear Virgie, I’ve wanted to see more writing from within the fat community about crafting a good life in the absence of romantic relationships/partnerships. It seems...